So, a couple months into school. helen and I have seen a couple movies, eaten dinner a few times, but when I give her a backrub, she says, "We're just friends, right?" Plus, one night, I was going to tell her and I started having convulsions. Food poisoning from the crappy fast food place we went to. So that ended poorly.

The excrement hits the fan: Homecoming. I don't want to go (but I do). She doesn't want to go. My foreign exchange student, Carlos, wants to go with his friends. So, I beg her. She warns me that every dance she's gone to has turned out terribly and she's never spoken to any of her dates ever again. I assure her that I will be the one to change the tide which just goes to show how terrible a soothsayer I am.

We go. It's awkward. Cuz every third sentence I consider telling her how I feel. And I have to watch out for Carlos. And also this Spanish guy is going with my naive friend Kimi and he's a lecher. Dance is over: party at my house. I take her home by her curfew (she lives 20 min away... that's another recurring theme of my high school relationships). Come back.

The next day. "helen, I gotta tell you something." She begs me not to tell her if it will change anything between us. I assure her that nothing she responds with will change our friendship (which just goes to show: never let me assure anyone about anything.)

I tell her. She says, "Let me think about this." but it's negative. I know what the answer is. I resent her for letting me tell her. I resent her for not just rejecting me. It takes a week. I become irrational. She finally says no, in a long drawn out conversation. I'm harsh and cutting. I tell her I want a week to decide if I still want to be friends.

Her gist is that I'm leaving for college, but she is attracted to me (personality a lot, looks, "enough" in her words. that hurts.) mainly, she values my friendship more than anything. And she knows that I burn bridges with past girlfriends. (at this time, it's been about 3 months since I made Calista leave me in the rain and I haven't talked to her) And she doesn't want that to happen. She doesn't want to destroy our friendship.

Kip's Smooth Move